Fail Porn & Cope Culture
Why we love consuming stories about other people's failure
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There is an ugly side of me that enjoys reading about other people’s failures.
Startups going out of business
Investors making bad investments
Influencers losing influence
The kind side of me understands it’s shitty to take pleasure in reading about other people’s pain. But, that doesn’t stop my ugly side from voraciously consuming all of this fail porn.
Perhaps I’m the only person with this character flaw, but I somehow doubt it. Given the volume of fail porn that gets produced, I suspect there is a large and hungry audience for these stories.
As we enter a negative economic cycle, and the production of fail porn starts to accelerate, I can’t help but wonder why we’re drawn to this type of content and what it’s doing to our brains.
Feeding us what we want
Consumer demand drives the production of most products, and fail porn is no exception. In the past few months, streaming services released three highly-produced shows that chronicle the failures of once-celebrated entrepreneurs, including:
The Dropout (about the fall of Elizabeth Holmes and Theranos)
We Crashed (about the failure of Adam Neuman and WeWork)
Super Pumped (about the implosion of Travis Kalanik and Uber)
Each show has had “outstanding audience demand” compared to the average series. Given their large budgets, I suspect these series would not have been greenlit if the books and news articles that inspired them were not also highly consumed by readers.
Like any industry, the media is simply feeding consumers what they want, which begs the question – what’s driving our demand for fail porn?
Psychic Pain Killers
As an avid consumer of fail porn, I’ve been trying to examine my own motivations for engaging with this type of content.
One charitable interpretation is that it’s helpful to learn about the failure of others to avoid repeating the same mistakes. But, if that were my motivation, wouldn’t I prioritize learning about the mechanics of the failure vs. spending time reading about the surrounding human drama?
In reality, the ugly side of me enjoys learning about all the interpersonal conflict that accompanies a CEO stepping down or a socialite getting arrested. When I finish one of these stories, I’m left feeling relief that I’m not the story’s main character. No matter what stress or anxiety I’m feeling in my own life, I feel comfort in knowing that a global audience isn’t gleefully consuming my failures.
This explanation roughly lines up with social comparison theory which posits that people evaluate their own well-being in comparison to others. We feel worse when we read about people whose lives are improving and better when reading about people whose lives are falling apart. If that’s the case, maybe fail porn is just a harmless tool for regulating our emotions– a useful strategy to cope with psychic pain.
Unfortunately, when it comes to quick-fix pain killers, there always seem to be some adverse side effects that come with prolonged usage. I fear that fail porn consumption has negative side effects that we have not fully realized.
Afraid of Desire
So, what is the impact of using negative stories about others to relieve our own pain?
Having coached many people through career transitions, I’ve noticed that some people will do nearly anything to avoid reflecting on what kind of job they want. Even if they verbally agree that goal setting is a critical step of their job search, most people would rather take a random job offer from a recruiter than identify their dream job. After seeing this pattern play out repeatedly, I’ve developed a theory on why.
Most of us are afraid to want things.
That’s because wanting things forces us to choose between two unpleasant options: ignoring our desires or taking action to achieve them. If we decide to ignore them, we risk damaging our sense of self-worth. But the alternative is even riskier. If we strive for something and fail, we risk embarrassing ourselves publicly and losing status. By avoiding desire, we get to preserve our self-worth and social status.
So, what does this have to do with fail porn?
Fail porn makes us feel better about our lack of ambition. The story about the startup founder who laid off half their company makes us feel better that we never started a company in the first place. The politician who lost an election reaffirms our choices to avoid putting ourselves out there. We consume fail porn to reaffirm the narrative in our minds that wanting things is risky.
On an individual level, prolonged exposure to fail porn makes us fearful of pursuing goals that could improve our lives. On a societal level, it diminishes the collective ambition that we need to seek solutions to important problems.
Cope Culture
Maybe this is why I’ve never been that bothered by hustle culture.
Sure, hustle culture can be annoying, and it’s certainly not the right solution for everyone in every situation – but it feels much healthier than the cope culture that gets reinforced by fail porn.
From my Twitter feed to my Gmail inbox, I’m constantly being baited to click on stories about startup layoffs, political scandals, and high-profile people getting canceled. What’s worse is I take the bait, which reinforces the journalists and editors dispensing these psychic opioids.
4 AM cold showers may not be the right prescription to a better life, but it’s got to be more helpful than reading dozens of stories about ambitious people failing.
Rewiring my brain
Lately, I’ve been trying to rewire my brain. When I encounter an enticing piece of fail porn, I try to see it for what it is and avoid engaging. Instead, I’m trying to revamp my information diet to prioritize stories about people accomplishing ambitious things. While it’s not easy to completely avoid fail porn (The Dropout and We Crashed were really good), I’m at least being conscious about limiting my consumption.
While being the subject of a piece of fail porn is a painful prospect, so is living a less ambitious life just to avoid the risk of exposure. Attempting anything worthwhile comes with the risk of failure, but allowing your media diet to diminish your drive is no way to cope.
For Your Information Diet
🗺 A Map for Indie Living – Transitioning into independence can be a scary moment. Tom assembles some really valuable advice for folks who are considering making the leap. (Tom Critchlow)
⚙️ The Kool-Aid Factory – Brie is one of the most thoughtful people I’ve encountered about the processes that allow companies to produce meaningful work. Not only are her Zines packed full of useful insight, but they’re also aesthetic masterpieces. (The Kool-Aid Factory)
🏢 Andreessen and the Office – While the office has been a staple of modern work, it’s very possible that office work is more of an aberration than a trend. Dror Poleg chronicles some interesting perspectives from Marc Andressen on how offices will fit into the future of work. (Hype Free)
🔍 So you’ve just been laid off… – Lately, I’ve been coaching a number of people who’ve gone through layoffs and sharing advice to help them through their next job search. I decided to compile eight non-obvious tips for those who are navigating this tricky moment. (Twitter)
💬 The Complete Guide to Peer Coaching – When it comes to therapy, the strongest predictor of successful outcomes is the alliance between patient and therapist. That’s one reason, Dan Shipper and Casey Rosengren believe they’ve gotten so much value out of the peer coaching practice they’ve developed. In this article, they break down how you can create one for yourself. (Superorganizers)
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